


I'm In Here

by Charlieboy2107



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: After the last clip, Davenzi, Depression, M/M, Matteo Florenzi/David Schreibner - Freeform, Matteo is depressed, Matteo x David - Freeform, My son is sad, Roomates and Jonas are worried, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 00:32:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18457820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlieboy2107/pseuds/Charlieboy2107
Summary: After David sends the second message Matteo is unable to go home and wanders around for hours before finally going back home





	I'm In Here

Matteo didn’t go home after he left David’s. He couldn’t bring himself to face the flat where he and David had made their gross sandwiches in the kitchen, where Matteo had watched David during the party, where they had shared their first almost kiss, and most of all he couldn’t bring himself to go back to the bedroom where he and David had hid out for days just enjoying each others company. 

So instead he walked, walked for hours with no intended destination, changing directions any time he ran into somewhere that reminded him of David. His phone hadn’t been able to turn on since he threw it so the only indication to time he had was the sun that began to rise as he sat at some bench by the water. He was finally driven back towards the flat share by the increasing number of people that starting moving about as early rush hour began. 

He paused as he rested his keys in the lock, half considering that he still had time to walk back out. He pressed his ear to the door and after not hearing any immediate indications to his roommates being awake he quietly turned his key in the lock. While not bothering to take off his shoes he still made an attempt to creep through the apartment, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to handle an interrogation about where he had been from Hans or Mia. 

Hours must have passed with Matteo lying on his bed but unable to sleep, the morning sun now fully shining through his open curtains. A knock sounded on his door but he was unable to respond with even a exclamatory remark or a broken plea to be left alone and instead remained silent. 

Another knock. “Matteo?” 

Matteo recognized Mia’s soft tone. 

“Did you hear him come back last night?” 

“Not before I went to sleep” 

Hans. Matteo thought back to the last conversation the two of them had shared, wincing at the harsh but true comments Hans had said shortly before David’s first message had come. 

David. 

“Should we check to see if he’s asleep?”

Matteo heard the sound of his door opening but didn’t turn to face it. 

“Matteo?”

“Shhh. Let him sleep.”

Matteo closed his eyes for a moment in relief before snapping them open as images appeared behind his closed eyelids. 

What had he done wrong? He thought things had been good between them, he thought he had finally found someone he could be himself with. 

Maybe that was the problem, that who he really was is someone nobody wants to be around, to care about. 

Matteo wanted to hit himself for being so stupid but he couldn’t even find the energy to move, every part of his body felt like an open wound. Maybe this was his punishment, a sign that he should never be himself again. A high pitched sound rang in Matteo’s ears as he continued to stare blankly out at nothing, his mind consumed by his thoughts. 

Matteo wasn’t sure how long he had been laying there, he had experienced a momentary reprieve from the voices in his head as he realized the darkness that had set in his room hours ago had been again replaced with what looked like the mid-afternoon light of the next day. He couldn’t be bothered to check his computer to see if he was right and his phone still set broken in the pocket of his coat that he had dropped carelessly on the ground the day before. Matteo remembered how the sunlight had highlighted David’s features as they lay in bed together the week before and he was thrown back into the thoughts that consumed his mind. 

It was his fault. It was his fault. It was his fault. 

He felt a tear trail slowly down his cheek but didn’t have the energy nor motivation to wipe it away. He didn’t want to feel this way anymore. He didn’t want to feel anything. Maybe he should just-

“Is he here?” 

Jonas. 

“He hasn’t left his room in days” 

Matteo half listened to the conversation outside his door while he replayed every moment of his date with David on Thursday, looking for the signs that David had not felt the same way as him. 

“He missed exams” 

“Do you know what’s up with him?”

The melody of Take Me To Church flooded through Matteo’s mind, each note stinging, each word feeling like a punch to his stomach. 

“I’ve been texting him”

“Is it because he broke up with Sara?”

Sara. Another person Matteo had ruined by becoming a part of their life. When he had first gotten with Sara he had thought that maybe, just maybe he would be able to make it work, convince himself to be straight. He thought he might be able to pass off the tightness in his chest around Jonas as platonic, that he would grow to love Sara. But then he had met David, and it was like the dam in his mind had splintered the final crack that send the entire thing crashing down. He had been terrified of the strong feelings he developed so quickly for the boy, but he had also been excited at the prospect that those feelings might be returned, and he thought they had been…until…

“Maybe something happened with his mom, he had mentioned that she wasn’t doing great again”

Matteo’s mind burned at the memory of David slowly leaning into him while they were in the kitchen, the drumroll his heart had made as he had felt David’s lips a hair length away from his only to be wrenched apart as Mia came crashing through the door.

“Maybe you should talk to him”

A knock. “Matteo?”

Matteo listened to the sound of a the door closing behind his friend before Jonas’ footsteps sounded as he walked over to the bed. 

“Hey, Luigi…”

David’s morning text after they had spent the weekend in bed together had addressed him as that. Now the nickname sent a sharp pain through him. 

“Hey bro, I’ve been trying to text you…we all have…”

Matteo stayed quiet, too tired to move and too consumed by his thoughts to even consider replying. 

“The school pulled me aside to say you missed the last exam, if you don’t take it…”

Matteo couldn’t be bothered to care about school, caring about passing exams were for people who cared about their futures. Matteo didn’t want his anymore. 

“Matteo,”

A hand touched his shoulder, sending a tidal wave of pain throughout his body. 

“Go away.”

The first words he had said aloud in days. 

“Matteo, what’s wrong-“

“I said go away.”

The words felt heavy in his mouth, he regretted muttering them but he felt like he needed to. Anyone who got close to him got hurt, and he didn’t want Jonas to have to experience the consequences that came with being his friend. 

Matteo felt the weight shift on his bed as Jonas stood and the sound of the door clicking behind him as he left. 

“So?” He heard Mia ask

“How long has he been like that?”

“Since Saturday, Matteo went out and didn’t come back until sometime early in the morning”

“And he hadn’t gotten up since then?”

“Not that I know of”

“Maybe he’s down because of the breakup with Sara-“

“I don’t think that’s it” Hans chimed in. 

“Why, do you know something?”

“No, it’s just, we talked Friday night and… he didn’t seem upset about ending things with her.”

“He was so happy when Hanna and I saw him earlier…” Mia commented

Matteo ignored the rest of the conversation, lost in a dream of running away to Detroit with a smiling David by his side.


End file.
